I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
