Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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