i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
