one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
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