living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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