my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
