You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
