I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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