You were right. It hurts to walk today.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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