i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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