when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
