I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
