I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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