I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
