I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
