Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
