I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
