Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
