Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
