what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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