I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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