Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry jayohhdahgawd hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(551): View more from New Jersey

And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document

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(520): View more from Arizona

In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.

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(817): View more from Texas

I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .

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(260): View more from Indiana

I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.

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(716): View more from New York

He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex

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(708): View more from Illinois

I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me

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(636): View more from Missouri

I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"

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