Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
