hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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