Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
