Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
