my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
