they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
