Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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