My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
