HIV tests are more positive than that guy
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
