I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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