they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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