Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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