There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
where are you?
Hypothermia
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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