Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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