The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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