yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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