can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
