life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
