dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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