Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
