Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
