if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
As shirtless as possible
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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