Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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