They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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