I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
