Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
