3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
