I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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